anxious, nervous, stressed, excited, uncomfortable, happy, ready, completely unprepared, exhausted...just to name a few off the top of my head.
This is it. Baby girl will be joining our family here on Earth early tomorrow morning. I think Evan has some strange sense that doom is impending in his world; he's been rather naughty the last couple of days. Poor little guy. I think his world is going to be the most shaken up out of all of us. The major part of all of my "uneasiness" is because of him. I hate that I'm going to have to be away from him. I hate that he's not going to understand why I can't pick him up, or come home. Thankfully, so thankfully, Grandma Susan is here right now and there is not a doubt in my mind that he is going to be well and happy with her for the rest of the week.
It's a very odd feeling knowing I'm going to have a baby tomorrow. With Evan, I was induced, but I still didn't really know when he would come, until the emergency c-section was decided and we knew we'd have a baby within 20 minutes. This baby has a countdown to the minute, and we've known for quite some time now. I know exactly when she's going to make her appearance and exactly what I have to go through and feel to have her here. I vividly remember what surgery feels like, and I don't love it. I hate not being in control of my body. And I really hate the whole, not being able to walk, like your a 90 year old woman, thing. On the other hand, I'm thankful that C-sections exist. I don't think I would be able to have babies without them. I've thought this entire pregnancy that she is SO much lower than Evan ever was, and I feel a whole lot more pregnant, if that makes any sense, this time around. Yesterday at my final appointment, I was zero everything, totally closed, and was told baby was "way up there". Doc said my babies are obviously high-riders, and have to go through a lot of work to descend. Which is probably how Evan ended up with the cord wrapped around his neck so many times. My doctor knows what he's doing when it comes to the knife, and I am grateful for that. I trust him there. I am hoping and praying that since baby girl won't have to be doing any work to get out, all will go well tomorrow and she will be healthy and happy.
Well, the bag is packed, I've had my final meal at my favorite restaurant in town, I cried a little bit as I told Evan good night for the last time for awhile, I've recorded my feelings as much as I think I can, and I'm now a bit numb emotionally as I await for the very long, next several hours to pass.
Next post will most definitely involve a baby girl, hopefully she'll have a name by then!